my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
