remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
