I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
