smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
