Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
