god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
