i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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