I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
