Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
