She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
