so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
