She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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