I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
