Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
