Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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