the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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