Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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