god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
