By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
