He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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