i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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