So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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