He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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