so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
