haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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