im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
