I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
