Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
