just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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