just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
