I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We are all done wearing pants today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
