I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
