Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
