Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
