I can text with my tongue
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
