i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
