Pappa wants mamma naked
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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