I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
smell my finger.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
