party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
