Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
