herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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