He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
