We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
