i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
