so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
