Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
soo... how was my night?
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