I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
