I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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