You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
