now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
